教你写出内容丰富的新托福作文
http://yingyu.yinghuaedu.com 来源：英华教育(青岛)语言中心 发布时间：2012-09-10 11:59:39
英华教育(青岛)语言中心--教你写出内容丰富的新托福作文-英华外语整理教你写出内容丰富的新托福作文，供学员学习。班制灵活，随报随学，英华教育咨询热线：400-0532-757
大多数学生作文成绩不高的根本原因在于他们讲述任何事情，都只能泛泛地讲述，而托福写作大多要求同学们Use specific reasons and examples, 并要求有细节,内容详细充实。以下托福易教网为大家讲解托福作文段落的展开,如何做到翔实丰富,细节丰富，希望对大家有所帮助。
先看这样一道题：In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon.
假设我们审题之后，决定写这样三个段落：
食物条件的改善；医疗技术的进步；经济、社会环境的稳定
以其中第二个理由为例，这个理由要被写成三个段落中的第二个段落，那么这个段落大约应该是100词左右的篇幅(托福独立作文部分字数要求是300~350词)。
主题句可以很简单，“现代医疗技术步使人们活得越来越久。”：“Modern medical technologies have made people live longer.”
有的人可能会认为这个句子太短，于是，就写成“Modern medical technologies have made more and more people live longer and longer.”——这是很恶心的。很多人误以为句子写得越长越好，词汇用得越难越好(有相当数量的老师也确实这么认为)，事实上并非如此。当然，如果有些人一定要认为这个由8个词构成的主题句太简陋，那也不是不可以换成这样一个由20个词构成的句子：“The rapid development of modern medical technologies is one of most important factors that contribute to current longer life expectancy. ”
无论怎样，这样的句子谁都应该写得出来，因为没有一个不会写的词——基本上都是初中词汇就可以解决的。那接下来要写什么呢?比如，接着可以给出理由，“因为有些病过去不能治但现在能治了”：“Many diseases for which there had been no previous effective treatment might be responsive to modern medical technologies. ”
再一次，这是个基本上谁都可以写得出来的句子，因为又是一个基本上只使用初中词汇的句子。四舍五入一下，把这个18个词构成的句子算作20个词。那么这个段落已经有了40个词，还差60个词的篇幅，那写些什么呢?
接下来，可能就应该提供一些具体的例子、细节了，“那哪些病过去不能治现在能治了呢?”比如，“猩红热”——会写么?再比如“百日咳”——会写么?又比如“肺结核”——会写么?问题就出在这里了：不是想不到，而是想到了却根本不会写。
之前看到的那篇习作中，学生在举例说明“濒临灭绝动物很重要”的时候，其实也很可能并非没想到“东北虎”、“扬子鳄”、“丹顶鹤”之类的准确而又恰当的例子，更可能的是“都想到了却都不会写”，所以只好写了个自己会写的——“spiders”!
讲到这里，大家就应该明白托福作文高分的关键了。其实只需要提前做好功课就好：给题库中的每道题1) 不仅要列大纲，还要2) 落实具体细节，然后3) 查词典。只罗列大纲是没用的，因为那只不过是完成了具体任务中的20%不到而已，并且还是最容易的那20%。真正有效的、真正困难一些的是剩下的80%，到了考场上，可不能查词典，不能参考语法书，不能用Google，所以，不提前做好功课，一切都是白费。做功课的时候，把想到的具体细节落实到纸面上也很重要，因为如果不这么做的话，一会儿就会忘掉刚刚想到的很多细节，进而甚至连查词典查什么都不知道。
而很多考生在准备考试的时候甚至没有专门查过词典，这很令人费解。一方面自己都确信自己的词汇量不够的情况下，另外一方面又坚决不肯查词典，这样自相矛盾的心理也并非没有解释：他们觉得自己正在背的词汇书也许应该能够解决问题，并且他们从来都不觉得查词典有多么重要。
查过一次词典就知道不查词典有多么吃亏了。“东北虎”，是“North Chinese Tiger”，甚至直接写“Chinese Tiger”就行;“扬子鳄”，是“Chinese Alligator”;“丹顶鹤”，是字对字的翻译“Red Crown Crane”。这种词，只要去查，查到之后看过一遍就不会忘。费劲么?一点都不。三五秒钟之后，作文就有实力获得满分了(请自行对照作文评分标准)，不用什么高级词汇、不用什么闪光句型，非常朴素地写：We should protect those endangered animals, because they are very important, for example, Chinese Tiger, Chinese Alligator, Red Crown Crane, and so on.
有些读者反应快，问，那刚刚那篇关于“人们为什么越来越长寿”的作文，现在已经有了40个词的篇幅，然后你又提供了几个诸如猩红热(Scarlet fever)、百日咳(Whooping cough)、肺结核(Tuberculosis)之类的例子，那才50个词不到的篇幅啊，不还是不够100个词么?
其实再往下就很简单了。我可以说：
你看，我小的时候就得过猩红热，可是很快就治愈了。所以，不仅没有死掉，现在还好好的，坐在考场里参加你们设计得托福考试。而我爸爸的一个兄弟，很小的时候得了同样的病，治不好就夭折了。所以，现在的婴儿死亡率要比过去低很多，也因此平均寿命比过去更长了……
很容易就写够100词的!
写作文就是这样，写出一个主题句(Topic Sentence)，然后就要越来越具体地解释，解释到一些具体的细节，就可以再就着那写具体的细节展开后继的论述。
而很多学生写到汇交之处就没有东西可写了，于是就出现了“断层”(地理学专业词汇是“fault”);而后继的内容就根本不可能存在了。
这样清楚地了解到自己写作文的困境根源所在，就很容易明白“不仅要列大纲，还要落实具体细节，然后查词典”这个朴实的建议有多么合理多么重要了。
另附一篇针对“人们为什么越来越长寿”这道托福作文题的样文(即便这篇文章里可能有一些这样那样的错误，但它满足了满分评分标准的每一个条目，所以，可以获得满分)：
The improvement of food condition seems to be a very important factor. Compared to the past, much more assorted foods are available and at the same time they are more nutritious. Coarse food grain such as maize or sorghum had already been replaced by wheat flour and rice. Even the quality of drinking water has been improved. Water from river, water from well, and even tap water is no longer directly taken in; what is now drunk is more likely to be mineral water, purified water, or distilled water. Besides, better nourishments are now cheaply and readily available: a diverse array of vitamins can be supplemented by a single tiny pill.
Equally important is the development of modern medical technology. Finer medicine and more effective treatments are continually developed and perfected, which means that many diseases for which there had been no previous effective treatment can now be easily cured. In the past, many pediatric diseases such as scarlet fever or whooping cough could cause an extremely high infant mortality. But now, such diseases are no longer considered as fatal any more. It’s very easy to make a long list containing such diseases which can now be easily cured but could not in the past: arthritis, tuberculosis, syphilis; cardiac trouble… In fact, the list is nearly endless.
Matching the improvement of food condition and the development of modern medical technology is another essential factor, the stability of social and economic environment. An obvious example is this: any war may well influence life expectancy of rival countries. On the contrary, in a relatively stable and secure environment, one is much more likely to be healthy. An insecure society can cause more stress, and under such stress, one is quite unlikely to be healthy. Studies have proved that one’s immune system would not function well when the stress is intolerable. Intolerable stress is in fact not rare at all, say, when the society undergoes an economic crisis.
[325 Words]
别有任何疑问。对，这篇文章就没有所谓常规的“开头”和“结尾”，只有三个理由构成的三个段落。但这种考试从来没有要求过考生一定要写“五段式作文”。请认真阅读《新托福考试官方指南》第259页的倒数三个段落：
Do not “memorize”long introductory and concluding paragraphs just to add words to your essay. Raters will not look favorably on wordy introductory and concluding paragraphs such as the following:
“The importance of the issue raised by the posed statement, namely creating a new holiday for people, cannot e underestimated as it concerns the very fabric of society. As it stands, the issue of creating a new holiday raises profound implications for the future. However, although the subject matter in general cannot be dismissed lightheartedly, the perspective of the issue as presented by the statement raises certain qualms regarding practical application.”
“In conclusion, although I have to accept that it is imperative that something be done about creating a new holiday for people and find the underlying thrust of the implied proposal utterly convincing, I cannot help but feel wary of taking such irrevocable steps and personally feel that a more measured approach would be more rewarding.”
文字的堆砌并不能为同学们带来高分，朴素的文字只要简洁准确有效一样会带来不错的分数，因此在托福作文考试的过程中，同学们首先要做的就是仔细研究《新托福考试官方指南》(OG)，明白考试的方向，才能有效的进行备考。然后学习英文逻辑和英文结构，学习用细节构建托福作文的段落,多思考多练习，一定会拿到不错的分数。
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